Your Film Fucking Sucks #2: North

Originally Written and Posted at Epinions.com on 4/17/07 w/ Additional Edits.

The son of comedy actor Carl Reiner and famous for playing Meathead in All in the Family, Rob Reiner came to greater fame as a director for such films like the mockumentary This is Spinal Tap, the college comedy The Sure Thing, the coming-of-age story of Stand By Me, the romantic fantasy of The Princess Bride, the romantic-comedy of When Harry Met Sally, and the intense horror of Misery. From 1984-1990, Reiner was on a winning streak, commercially and critically, with six different films. Then in 1992, Reiner reached a peak creatively with the military courtroom drama A Few Good Men with Tom Cruise, Demi Moore, Keifer Sutherland, Kevin Bacon, and Jack Nicholson that gave Reiner a nomination for Best Director. At that point, it seemed like Rob Reiner could do no wrong. In 1994, Reiner returned to comedy to tell a story about a neglected young boy who divorces himself from his parents to find a new family. The idea at first seemed like another surefire hit from Reiner but the resulting film would mark the beginning of the end for Reiner's string of hits.

Written by Alan Zweibel that was based on his novel with scribe credit to Andrew Scheinman, North tells the story of a young boy who after watching his parents argue and neglect them decides to split from them. With help from another kid, a lawyer, and a guide dressed in a bunny suit, the boy goes on a trip around the world to find the perfect family. With Rob Reiner at the helm, it seemed like a movie that would be very funny with then-child star Elijah Wood in the title role. Instead, the film was a disaster of epic proportions. While the film included an all-star cast like Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Bruce Willis, Reba McEntire, Dan Aykroyd, Jon Lovitz, Graham Greene, Kathy Bates, Abe Vigoda, Kelly McGillis, Ben Stein, Faith Ford, John Ritter, and in her film debut, Scarlett Johansson. North is an extremely mean, insulting film that looks like a family film but ends up being very vicious.

To the eyes of many in a small town, North is a kid who has it all and is probably one of the best kids around. He's a brilliant, bright student, a great ballplayer, a gifted actor in school plays, and the friends of many. Unfortunately, North doesn't get the attention of his parents (Jason Alexander & Julia Louis-Dreyfus) as they often bicker about their own lives. The arguments and neglect starts to affect North in everything he does as he goes to his secret spot. A large armchair in a mall where he finds himself talking to a man dressed in an Easter Bunny suit (Bruce Willis).  After turning to his friend and school editor Winchell (Matthew McCurley), North is convinced that he's neglected as he decides to split from his parents for good. When Winchell's report attracts the attention of the town including an attorney named Arthur Belt (Jon Lovitz), North's parents are in total shock as a media circus and trial occurs. When the judge (Alan Arkin) decides to give North his freedom until Labor Day. By Labor Day, North had to get either new parents or return to his old parents but if he doesn't, he will be taken to an orphanage.

North takes his trip to find new parents where he arrives in Texas and meets a Texan couple (Dan Aykroyd and Reba McEntire) where he's greeted lavishly. He sees the bunny guy being a farmer as North learns the Texan couple wants him to replace their dead son. North decides to leave where back in his old town, Winchell and Belt decide to make a liberation movement for children with Belt as a political candidate. North goes to Hawaii to meet another new set of parents (Keone Young & Lauren Tom) but finds out that he's being used as a tourism advertisement. North then goes to Alaska for another set of parents (Graham Greene & Kathy Bates) where things go fine until they decide to drop off North's new grandfather (Abe Vigoda) away for good. With Winchell trying to take control, North's parents recover from their state of shock but unaware of what Winchell and Belt are trying to do.

After a group of searches all over the world including a visit to an Amish land with parents (Kelly McGillis & Alexander Godunov) as it doesn't go well. North finally finds the perfect family in the Nelsons with a nice group of parents in Ward & Donna Nelson (John Ritter & Faith Ford, respectively) and siblings Bud & Laura (Jesse Ziegler & Scarlett Johansson, respectively). Things at first go great but when North receives an edited tape of an interview with his real parents, North is disillusioned and sad as he leaves the Nelsons. When Winchell learns that North hasn't found a family and threatens to kill the kids liberation law. When North is being hunted by a Winchell's security guard Al (Robert Costanzo), North finds out the truth and gets guidance from the man in bunny suit being a comedian and a Fed Ex driver.

While the film and its plot tells a simple story of a kid wanting to split with his parents and then, goes into a moral judgement. The pay off and final result however, is a total mess. Instead of being this warm, life-lesson family film. It ends up being a film where it starts out pleasant yet very silly into something darker and suspenseful that doesn't work. Obviously, Rob Reiner has no idea what he wants to make. A funny family film, a satire, a thriller, a drama. There, the audience is confused and being insulted by everything that's shown towards them. The film does lean towards sentimentality towards the end when North decides to return to his parents but there's no payoff. The ending ends up making the entire film a waste of time.

The script fails to not even present some moral lesson but also create characters that are very one-dimensional with very little development. Plus, some of the families that North sees end up being displayed as stereotypes. The narration even becomes distracting to let the audience make up their mind and interpretation of what goes on. While the character of North is interesting who goes through the most serious of development, the character ends up being lost in the situations he's in and the result isn't rewarding or fulfilling to him or the actual story. Much of the blame should go to Reiner for really making a family film that tries to pander down to its audience with its bland, manipulative style that only becomes a parody of a bad sitcom.

Not even the film's technical work in Adam Greenberg's cinematography or Robert Leighton's editing should be worth noting since there's nothing unique. Even the score by Marc Shaiman isn't memorable where it just plays up to the lame, sentimental tone of the film. This is part of the film's big failure. Even its casting filled with some great talents being wasted in the roles they're given. They're not given a chance to play real people but rather awful caricatures. The performance Alan Arkin gives as a judge is pretty bad. Arkin, a very talented actor, looks like he went through a bunch of takes and looks very haggard during the performance where he's not even sure why he's even in the film. The roles of the adoptive parents like Dan Aykroyd, Reba McEntire, Keone Young, Lauren Tom, Graham Greene, and Kathy Bates aren't given any material and end up being pandered down to the stereotypes they play.

The cameos from Alexander Godunov and Kelly McGillis playing the Amish from Peter Weir's Witness is very silly and pointless as well as a reference to Bernardo Bertolucci's The Last Emperor in another sequence. The late John Ritter and Faith Ford as the perfect model of the typical American parents doesn't have any amount of life. They just smile and act really bland which is a waste for a real comedic talent like Ritter. Even the Nelson kids played by Jesse Ziegler and Scarlett Johansson don't add anything. Still, that's not Johansson's fault. She was only eight-years old in her first movie. She was cute but still had a long way to go in being the famous star we all know. Jussie Smollett in the role of North's friend Adam is very awkwardly performed where he has to play spy and such and doesn't feel natural. Jon Lovitz is largely wasted along with Robert Costanzo in a very stereotypical role as a security hitman. Oh, there's also a worthless cameo from Rita Wilson as a parent who fawns over North.

Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfus from Seinfeld are forced to play caricatures where they're not given a chance to be funny or real. Even in their attempts to gain sympathy feels contrived and bland which is a shame to the comedic talents. One of the film's worst performances is Matthew McCurley as Winchell. It's a very unnatural performance of this smarmy, little kid who looks like the poor man's Macaulay Culkin (well him and that other little bastard from Full House). McCurley tries to act like some adult that doesn't work and as a villain, it's very cartoonish. Bruce Willis is also in a very bad performance (he's done worse though) as a guy dressed up as an Easter Bunny, no wait, a cowboy, no an eskimo, no a surfer, comedian, Fed Ex guy. Willis acts some strange guardian angel/moral guide that feels very out of place and his narration doesn't even have any life.

Finally, there's Elijah Wood in what has to be one of his worst performances. It's a shame since Wood at the time was a brilliant, gifted child actor. Here, he is forced to try and be funny, be dramatic and it doesn't come off in a way that is relatable to kids. It feels very detached and awkward. The blame isn't entirely Wood's fault but Reiner's direction as he doesn't give Wood anything to do. Wood is forced to observe every situation he's in and it looks like he's overwhelmed to the point that he doesn't know where to take his character. It should also be noted that Wood was 12-13 during filming and was definitely starting to grow out of his adolescent phase which can explain the sense of detachment in his performance.

When the film was released in the summer of 1994, the film was expected to do well with Reiner's box office and critical winning streak along with Elijah Wood's young fanbase. Instead, the film bombed in the box office while also receiving negative reviews. Making things worse was probably one of the most notorious film reviews ever written from the famed Chicago Sun-Times critic Roger Ebert. Ebert not only bashed the film but it was in this review, he would state probably one of the most infamous statements:

I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.

The review and its failure in the box office marked the beginning of the end for Reiner. Though he did recover briefly with The American President starring Michael Douglas and Annette Benning. His subsequent films, Ghosts of Mississippi, The Story of Us, Alex & Emma, and 2005's Rumor Has It... were all critical and commercial failures.

For anyone who enjoys family films should stay away from North. The film's message is pretty bad while it also features some coarse language that should a no-no for kids. Fans of Rob Reiner will no doubt hate this film and are convinced that this was the movie where he jumped the shark. So in the end, stay away from North. It's not entertaining, it's not very intelligent. It's a film that will make you angry like Roger Ebert himself. Oh, and the late Gene Siskel thought it sucked too.  He called it junk.  He and Ebert weren't being kind.  After all, North is a piece of shit film that will make anyone hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate this movie and the man who made this in Rob Reiner.

Rob Reiner Films: This is Spinal Tap - (The Sure Thing) - (Stand By Me) - The Princess Bride - (When Harry Met Sally) - (Misery) - (A Few Good Men) - (The American President) - (Ghosts of Mississippi) - (The Story of Us) - (Alex & Emma) - (Rumor Has It...) - (The Bucket List) - (Flipped) - (The Magic of Belle Isle)

© thevoid99 2012