Thursday Movie Picks: 2022 Releases

 

For the first week of Thursday Movie Picks hosted by Wanderer of Wandering Through the Shelves, we go into the subject of 2022 film releases as 2022 was a crazy year. A year that saw some big films but also events that didn’t live up to the hype and films that just fucking sucked. Here are my three picks for 2022 film releases that I hope to never fucking see:

1. Ambulance

Anything that has Michael Bay’s named attached is a bad sign and if he’s directing, I stay the fuck away from that shit. He is the worst filmmaker ever and he continues to display reasons in why he is the worst in this film about a man who teams with his adopted white brother to rob a bank only to hijack an ambulance with two first responders in tow as things go wrong. It has the usual visual aesthetics that Bay is known which is just this hyperactive bullshit kind of Hollywood filmmaking as I am convinced that if someone ties him down on a chair against his will and forces him to watch a Bela Tarr film. His head would fucking explode and I would love to be front row to see that.

2. The Bubble

Judd Apatow’s only made 2 films that I enjoy watching as a director in his first two films in The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up while Funny People has its moments though it was overlong and needed trimming. Then came This is 40 where it played into all of the indulgences of Apatow as a filmmaker where it not only went too long but it tried to be both funny and serious only to fail. Since then, Apatow hasn’t made anything worthwhile as this film about a film being made during the pandemic with all of its actors on lockdown should’ve been interesting. Instead, it’s filled with lame gags allowing many of its actors to be wasted as well as once again going above two hours as it is proof that Apatow needs an editor who should tell him what to cut out and have it be either 90 minutes or 105-minutes.

3. Morbius

Jared Leto is one of the worst actors working today as he and Shia LaBeouf are the reasons method acting has turned into nothing more than a lame gimmick for egotistical actors who take themselves way too seriously. In this film that is part of Sony Picture’s attempt to create a cinematic universe involving characters from the Spider-Man franchise has Leto play a doctor trying to find a cure for his own terminal disease only to get vampire-like powers. Thus, ridiculousness ensues as reports of Leto doing stupid things to play an ailing man who then becomes powerful is proof of how awful he is and that “it’s Morbin time” line is just the icing of the cake of why he needs to fucking go.

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